Our Eternal Life: life

todays post really isn't about what i did this week. eh i guess i'll start by a short summary of what i did do...if i can remember. lets see friday, i just worked then home. saturday...i dont remember what i did on saturday...oh yeah i made popcorn balls for my kids. sunday went to church and took my kids for a walk outside. they got all their energy out by running around. then we planted flowers and ate popcorn. on monday, i spent the whole day with my aunt and cousins. tuesday spent the whole day with annette getting lunch, doing my hair, just having fun. yesterday, i went and looked for a new job. i have a butt load of applications. haha. and today...today is what i want to mostly talk about. my bio class got out almost 2 hours early. so a friend and i went and got starbucks. we came back to the campus and sat in her car for like an hour. we were just talking about life and stuff. and how life changes and how people become upset or sad or even depressed. now i'm not going to say exactly what we talked about because its personal. but i will say that people act happy around those who they dont want to upset. when really, theyre sad or mad or upset or depressed or whatever. people will act happy just so others dont have to worry about them. i'd like to think i'm pretty good at hiding my emotions. so this is somewhat easy for me. at the end of the day, i know that the person who i was during the day, is not the person who i am when i go to sleep. when i wake up in the mornings, i put on a face for everyone else. a face that people expect. someone who everyone knows. i try and hide who i was when i fell asleep. so far, ive done a pretty good job. i dont know if i would call myself depressed or not. there are a lot of things going on right now and its all too much for me to handle. and i know that people say oh everyone is like that, i know how you feel, your life isnt that bad, and all that stuff. but they dont know the real me. they know the person i put on for them so they wont find out. really, they have no idea what is going on in my life right now. its not only kyle being gone, but other stuff as well that i wont talk about. and its like i want to tell people that they dont know whats going on, but i'd rather them just think i'm okay and im doing fine. i dont want people to worry about me and my life. i want people to think i'm happy. i'm not like trying to be fake or anything like that. its not like oh hey i'll be happy and be your friend and talk to you and act like i like you. no its not like that. if im your friend, i wont be fake. i just wont tell you whats going on in my life, unless i know for sure youre not going to go around telling everyone. really, theres only one person who really knows how i'm feeling. only He knows whats going on. and only He can give me comfort if i let Him in. which has been hard to do lately since i'm not sure about really anything anymore. its hard to talk to Him when i dont want Him knowing, but He does. and another thing, if people dont like me, i'd like to know why they dont like me and what did i do to them to make me not like them. i try and be nice to everyone, even if i do have to fake it. but if i do have to fake being nice to someone, its either because i know i dont like them and i know i wont see them ever again, so the one or two times i do see them, yeah i'll act nice. but its not like i'm going to turn around and start talking about you. like really, i have better things to do than to talk trash about someone. now if people want to think that i do, then let them think that. now if you dont like me but act all nice, then go and start talking crap, why even talk to me at all? but whatever. i try not take things too serious. haha yeah right. i take everything serious. but i mean i do try not to let things get to me. i dont want more negative energy on me when i already have enough. but yeah thats pretty much it. i dont expect people to treat me any different than what theyve been treating me...im not trying to get attention, if i was trying to get attention, i'd look like a slut or wear ugly stuff or something.

soo my popcorn balls didnt look as good as these, but pretty dang close.